Appraisals kab hai, kab hai appraisals?

It’s April – and it’s that time of the year which a Corporate Employee recognizes as an important milestone in one’s career. Yes, its Appraisal Time!

 Appraisals – the one word which creates more suspense than an entire series of Sherlock Holmes books put together or garners more attention than any IPL season or Bollywood blockbuster release.

So here we are, all set to receive the news of a pay hike either through an envelope indicating that extra money you have slogged for or awaiting the month end for your salary account to disclose the same.

Having no high hopes of my own increment, I was wondering about the type of people we encounter in this phase of ‘high-undue-tension’.

Source: Internet

Mr. Chintamani (always the bothered and worried):

No matter what, Mr. Chintamani is out looking for chinta (tension), even if it’s not due in his account. He is the one who will initiate the ‘appraisal’ conversation right from November and will go on asking people what they think about the pay hike this year and the market condition for the same. He will crib and cry till the last day of his knowledge about the salary raise and then keep mum after he is appraised. And mind you, no one ever comes to know how much increment he gets!

Source: Internet

Mr. Chillpill (always the cool and may appear a fool):

He’s the cool dude of the gang and is not worried about boring things like salary hikes. He is unfazed about the company’s decision to rate him and is content with everything. If at all corporates thought that he is the right person for their organization, since he is not bothered about money matters, then they need to rethink. Mr. Chillpill is usually the one who job-hops and makes attrition rates in a company to soar.

Source: Internet

Mr. CCTV (always on red alert):

The name suggests it all. He is the watchdog of the boss and the company in general, who is majorly appointed for his skills in accumulating and giving up-to-date news about other employees and what business they are up to. So even if you’ve had a manicure or plucked out your eyebrow, or you take numerous trips to the loo (yeah, seriously – someone keeps a tab on it as well) to the hours you spend on phone calls, it’s sure to appear on his list of ‘to be informed’. Be wary about him, since he can make peanuts more appealing than your salary if you mess with him. And as far as his own appraisals are concerned – by the way who is concerned about him!

Source: Internet

Mr. Chaato-till-your-tongues-are-parched (born with a silver spoon for all that chamchagiri):

He needs no introduction. He exists in every organization, in every department and in every team. God! Does he ever feel thirsty with parchment due to the continuous ‘chatofying’ and ‘lal-tapkofying’? He is the one who will notice your boss’ silly haircut and compliment it no matter what. He laughs at the boss’ PJ and will also contribute to it. However he is less dangerous than Mr. CCTV, since he is concerned more about his own business and does all this for pure self – interest.

Source: Internet

Mr. Chupa Rustam (the guy who no one knows):

Yeah, he’s the same guy who neither shows his anxiety about assessments nor his happiness on getting a good one. He pretends to be Mr. Chillpill but he is similar to Mr. Chintamani. You will not even know if he’s married, has children, is a gay or simply not interested in anything. But he is the most clever and cunning out of the lot.

Source: Internet

Mr. Dhamkau (always the warning bell ringer):

‘If I’m not appraised well enough, I’ll resign’, ‘If I’m not given a bonus, I’ll quit’, ‘If I’m not given a comfortable chair, I’ll put down my papers’. You got it right. He’s the one who is ready to resign at the drop of a hat if things don’t go as he wishes. And he’s the one who will be with the company to collect his gratuity. Whether his demands got fulfilled or not, nobody ever knows, but all we know is that he will not quit till your 2^nd generation joins the company.

There would still be more characters to the list but I’d like to end it here, so as to not hurt any more sentiments.

Now go look out for characters similar to these in your company and have fun at their expense and stop worrying about appraisals, since I believe what is due to you will always be due to you! So why worry!

As far as what my character resembles – I’m not dumb enough to put that down on a blog   :-D

Adios!!

(PS: About why all characters is a ‘he’ – what else can you expect from a female writer :-P)